we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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