There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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