Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i drank out of a bidet.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
