glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
