she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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