my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
