I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
