I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you will always have a special place in my vag
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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