I should be sponsored by Trojan
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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