When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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