tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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