Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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