So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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