just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
