Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
