his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
