Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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