If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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