please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
