I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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