I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.