My friends, they love my intelligence
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.