I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood