im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.