I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"