I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
