Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
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second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
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I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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