I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
