I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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