Got a toothbrush?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
