He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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