Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
