My nipple is on Facebook.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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