oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
