just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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