i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
