Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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