I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
