Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
