Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I can't turn off my feet"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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