: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold