Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”