did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.