Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.