fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
