Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
