You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...