my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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