I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
