I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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