walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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