You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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