had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize