This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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