I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
