He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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