sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
