It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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