$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
