He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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