it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
