we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
