wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
