Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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