I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
