no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
