dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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