Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
