i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
