Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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