New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
