well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Two words: nipple clamps
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