She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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