You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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