If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
