bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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