STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
