I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize