I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
