i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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