I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Fuck appropriateness.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
