great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
