can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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