Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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